


And Yet

by zerodoxical



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: I WROTE THIS IN ONE DAY FOOOOOOO, M/M, inspired by hari's thread!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:13:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26698060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zerodoxical/pseuds/zerodoxical
Summary: Just a little bit more and everything could've been better. But of course, fear had to creep its way into Itaru's mind.
Relationships: Chigasaki Itaru/Tsukioka Tsumugi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	And Yet

**Author's Note:**

> IDK HOW I MANAGED TO WRITE THIS IN ONE DAY,, but i think it's bc i did this instead of my hw haha;; anyway, i was inspired by hari's thread on twt about itatsumu and coincidentally, i was actually searching for some inspiration bc i'm in the mood to write, just didn't know what.
> 
> anyway enjoy!!!

Just a few inches could’ve changed everything. And that was exactly what Itaru was scared of. Oh dear God, how did this happen?

“...I can’t do this,” he mumbled intentionally to himself (yet Tsumugi could hear it from a mile away) and quickly pulled away, taking a huge step back which made him almost bump into the table; and yet he staggered, each and every step he took shaking and shivering despite the summer night’s heat. He looked down at his feet, letting the guilt fully sink in as he tried not to leak a few tears by clutching his heart with his right hand (as if that would do anything). He wasn’t ready; to put so much faith and trust into someone, to the point where you call them your lover...the thought of it scared the hell out of him. He was blessed enough to have fallen in love with Tsumugi out of everyone and he won’t ever mind calling him his lover. Change is a scary thing and many aren’t afraid to face it. It’s just that Itaru was one of the misfortunate ones who are. That’s how fair fate’s play is. There’s a balance to everything; there’s black and white, there’s good and bad, and there’s luck and misfortune.

“...I understand,” Tsumugi whispered back and also took a step back yet hesitantly, reluctantly. His greedy, selfish thoughts took over his mind; why did he have to pull back? Why did he have to be unready? Why, why, why? A googol of questions ran through his mind and he swore he was on the verge of breaking. But that’d be pathetic - such trivial matters shouldn’t push someone to extreme ranges of melancholy. Yet here he was, drowning in a sea of unshed tears and egocentric thoughts, screaming and gasping for air but the howling winds of the cruelty of reality and fate silenced his shrieks. Land was out of sight and he slowly felt himself giving up on trying to swim and float, to keep his head above water. Finally, he let the weight of his body sink and gravity pull him down into the depths of the ocean, transporting him to another world entirely.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Tsumugi uttered as he swiftly left the balcony, leaving a guilt-ridden Itaru to ruminate alone. Itaru could hear the anger and sadness in Tsumugi’s fast steps. He felt dizzy and somehow managed to sit down at the table he almost bumped into a few moments ago. A few moments ago...they could’ve been better if he mustered up the courage, even if he might lie to himself and make himself uncomfortable. But he’d rather have that than seeing Tsumugi so heartbroken; and yet. And yet, and yet, and yet. Those words kept repeating themselves inside his mind and he begged for them to stop, almost banging his head onto the table to just knock himself out and forget about all this just for a little while. _Almost_. He’s already been a burden to Tsumugi, he wasn’t about to trouble anyone else. Maybe, for a little while, he should take responsibility and carry some guilt on his shoulders.

Yeah. That might be the best thing for now.

~

“Good morning, Itaru-kun,” Tsumugi greeted and even added a seemingly friendly wave, with a convincingly happy smile as the finishing touch as he passed by Itaru, his steps as quick as his steps were last night. Itaru had hoped everything would go back to normal but from what he has observed, Tsumugi’s avoiding him and (he didn’t want to admit this) rightfully so; you wouldn’t talk to someone who broke your heart (even if it’s mostly because of selfish desires) as if everything was as usual. But the reality of it still dug a bottomless pit in Itaru’s stomach, and there was a void in his heart that sucked everything into darkness, into oblivion. And because of that, he noticed, even when no one did.

Tsumugi’s greeting...it wasn’t as warm as it was before.

“Good morning, Tsumugi,” he returned the greeting, his lips feeling heavy at the pronunciation of his name yet he managed to pull a convincing enough smile. It’s no wonder his lips felt so heavy; so many words were on the tip of his tongue, just awaiting to be spoken aloud. And those same pair of lips almost, _almost_ , pressed against Tsumugi’s plump, red ones. He had imagined how those lips would feel on his many times now; whatever taste, whatever flavour those lips may be, when that day comes, he knows he’ll fall in love with him even more than ever. But right now, at this very moment, it was hard to imagine saying sorry directly to him, let alone kissing him and falling head over heels for him. Bursting his own bubble of thought, Itaru sighed, as soon as Tsumugi was far enough from him. When will this end?

“Are you okay, Itaru-san?”

He heard a familiar, concerned voice calling out to him. He looked up (he didn’t even notice he was facing his feet, just like last night, which stirred up more mixed feelings in his stomach) and met Sakuya’s ever-glowing (even during a grim situation), crimson eyes. They were full of life, just like Tsumugi’s. Itaru felt like vomiting - but he held it in because, again, he didn’t want to be troublesome as much as he already was. He only coughed, just a non-questionable bit, so he wouldn’t suffocate as much, even if he preferred rushing to the closest bathroom to spill all the contents in his pit of a stomach. But he didn’t want to seem suspicious. He didn’t want to seem as if he wasn’t okay. Because that’s exactly what Tsumugi would do.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

~

“Huh?” was the first word Itaru had uttered as soon as he got home, and also his first reaction to seeing Tsumugi sprawled out on one of the couches in the living room, possibly in deep, deep slumber. Surprisingly enough, he found himself chuckling quietly at the view. The last few days have been tough for their relationship as the both of them never seem to make any sort of move to mend back the threads that tied them both together for the longest time, as if they were wrapped in a whole yarn of red string; surely, fate knew what it was doing. So no matter what happens, they’ll always end up together. Well, at least, that was what Itaru had hoped. Reconciling is still impossible if none of them would make a move and approach the other. And _maybe_ this was Itaru’s chance (keyword: _maybe_ ).

Itaru tiptoed over to Tsumugi and he swore he could hear his snoring, even though it was as quiet as a mouse. It was pretty adorable, to say the least. And the possibility that Tsumugi most likely stayed up and waited for Itaru to come home - even when he informed everyone that he would be running late - made Itaru’s heart ache and yearn for him. And when he looked to his right, he found that one of his games’ (one of his _favourite_ video games actually) cartridge was booted up and the game was currently paused, the main character in the middle of a dark, grimy dungeon. Was Tsumugi trying to reconnect them by impressing him? The thought of it was endearing (and so gosh darn _cute_ ) but at the same time, he didn’t need to get better at games to steal Itaru’s heart. His heart never belonged to him anyway, ever since the day Itaru realised he was in love with him.

“...Why do you have to be so cute?” Itaru mumbled under his breath as to not wake anyone (especially Tsumugi) up and moved, as quietly as he could, to tidy up the gaming setup and figure out to get Tsumugi to move to his bedroom. As his hands fiddled with the video game cartridge in his hands, he reminisced about the days he and Tsumugi would act all dork-like and indulged themselves in Itaru’s chuuni fantasies and desires. They would both play evil overlords and chant ridiculous chants and laugh ridiculous laughs. Sometimes, Kumon would join and play the apprentice to the two evil lords. They had so much fun together, one time Kumon accidentally called the both of them “Dad”. The red tint on Tsumugi’s face that day was burned into Itaru’s memory for eternity. He remembered thanking God and Kumon for the blessing that was Tsumugi’s blushing face.

As soon as he was finished, he only stood idly near where Tsumugi laid, pondering how he should get him to move to his room. Carrying him was out of the question, as much as he’d love to do that; it’s physically impossible for Itaru Chigasaki to be able to carry a child, let alone a grown adult man. Plus, he didn’t want to risk waking him up - it’s been a while since Itaru had seen Tsumugi so...tranquil and at peace. Serene, almost. Illuminated by the moonlight shining down on the both of them from outside, Tsumugi looked like a literal angel. Like the Sleeping Beauty Itaru was destined to kiss to wake him up from his slumber.

...He didn’t want to think about anything related to kisses.

“Sigh...here,” he whispered to himself for whatever reason and blanketed Tsumugi with his jacket. It was the very, very least he could do since he ran out of ideas and was too tired to think of any other alternatives. As far as he was concerned, he needed sleep too. Drowsiness wasn’t just poking at him anymore and was now yelling at him, telling him to go to bed. He sighed again and gazed at Tsumugi. As adorable as he was, Itaru thought it was best he’d take more time to think about everything again. But just before leaving, he slowly crouched down so his face was level with Tsumugi’s and planted a brief kiss on his forehead. It was cold, but that was expected from someone sleeping out in the open with no blankets in a room with air conditioning. 

And also...maybe his warmth wasn’t fully back just yet.

He stood back up quickly before Tsumugi could have the chance to wake up and made his way to his room.

“Sweet dreams, Tsumugi.”

~

“You’re finally awake,” an overfamiliar, deep voice slapped Tsumugi out of drowsiness. As expected, the owner of said voice was Tasuku and he was standing right in front of him with the same stern look he wears every single day. But he didn’t mind; he was used to it, ever since they were children, playing with dirt at the local park’s playground and doing other stupid things. And it’s during these moments Tsumugi wonders what if he met Itaru under similar circumstances?

...Ah, there he goes again with his self-indulgent thoughts.

“Ah, good morning, Tasuku,” Tsumugi greeted as he stretched and yawned, Tasuku uncharacteristically chuckling in response. It seemed like there were the only ones awake - or at least the only ones in the living room at the time. Still, Tsumugi was glad he woke up to such a peaceful morning. After all the sleepless nights and restless mornings he spent, it was nice to wake up on the right side of the bed for once. Well, “bed”, considering he slept on the couch the whole night. Out of everything, he didn’t expect he’d fall asleep, waiting for his beloved, especially with how things were between the two of them right now. But if it meant a good morning, then Tsumugi didn’t mind. Though, if he was being completely honest, he didn’t know what compelled him to ask Taichi and Banri to teach him how to play that game he tried last night; why he thought that was the best course of action to take.

“Um...don’t you wanna return that?” Tasuku pointedly asked and glanced at Itaru’s jacket in Tsumugi’s arms. Tsumugi’s eyes followed where Tasuku’s eyes landed and they widened in shock. Then he could feel his cheeks grow slightly pink from the realisation. How embarrassing; the fact that the jacket of your beloved accompanied you in your deep, deep slumber that you didn’t intend as you were waiting for your said beloved. It’s straight out of a love story, but this story was centered around their tragedy and their efforts to reharmonize. Oh, how poetic would it be, if such a story was written down and read by many.

“Oh! Oh yeah, I should return it, huh…” he trailed off, wondering about the fight (if it was even a fight) a few nights ago. Despite all his efforts, he still felt like he wasn’t fully ready to come in contact with him and talk things over. How cowardly of him- no, _both_ of them. As far as he was concerned, Itaru was partially at fault too for not approaching him. But Tsumugi couldn’t blame him; this whole situation...it’s more difficult and complicated to resolve than they initially thought and assumed. But they’re trying. That’s what matters most in a relationship, right? Trials and efforts to try and understand each other as much as they can - it’s one of the reasons why relationships are such wondrous things to be in and pursue. Tasuku sighed, interrupting Tsumugi’s line of thought.

“It’s fine if you’re not ready to face him yet. Just wash it and hang it up. I’ll tell him to come get it when it’s done drying,” Tasuku offered, to which Tsumugi almost immediately smiled. Tsumugi stood up and wrapped his arms around Tasuku without a second thought, still clenching the jacket with his right hand. Albeit, the hug was very brief and Tsumugi let go as quickly as he had begun to hug, knowing Tasuku wasn’t one for any form of physical affection. But physical affection was never needed for them to convey their feelings clearly; same goes for Itaru and Tsumugi, but physical affection makes everything feel more...magical, as cheesy as that sounds.

“Thank you, Taa-chan. I owe you one.”

“Don’t call me that here. There might be other people around,” Tasuku scolded him and Tsumugi could only let out a chuckle. ‘As rigid as ever,’ he thought. But Tsumugi couldn’t mind, even if he wanted to; knowing how much Tasuku supports him and Itaru’s relationship, getting annoyed or irritated by Tasuku was the least of his worries. Actually, he’s pretty sure the whole company supports them - the Mankai Company wouldn’t be home to them if they didn’t. Plus, Itaru has made several comments and dropped certain hints that he might be interested in men, so the others weren’t really that surprised to know that they’ve got something going on behind the scenes. 

“You should check the pockets, make sure there’s nothing in them,” Tasuku reminded him as he made his way to God knows where (perhaps he was heading outside to jog, considering he was in his athletic outfit). He only watched him go, wondering what was on his mind when he offered to help him like that. But it’s just common courtesy to help a mate in need. Even then, Tsumugi silently thanked Tasuku for his kindness. Tsumugi sat back down and let the jacket fall into his lap. Even though it’s just his work uniform, Tsumugi could feel the tenderness of Itaru’s hands as he stroked the soft fabric; you can tell it’s Itaru’s just by holding it in your hands or arms for more than a second.

“Got it,” Tsumugi replied, mumbling to himself and now raising the jacket a bit, specifically near his nose. Making sure nobody else was around, he sniffed it; expectly enough, it smells just like Itaru. And there was also a tinge of...cinnamon? Whatever it was, Tsumugi liked it. He really, really liked it. And the thought of drowning himself with this smell everyday made him gush. Oh, if only he could just face Itaru. Everything would be so much easier. He then began rummaging through the pockets of the jacket, just like Tasuku had advised him, and he expected there won’t be anything in them except for the basic necessities such as his wallet (he takes his phone everywhere so there was a slim chance he’d leave it in his pockets).

“Huh?” Tsumugi muttered as he pulled out the real contents of Itaru’s pockets - a packet of carnation seeds and a crumpled up piece of paper, tiny enough to fit in his fist. He uncrumpled the tiny piece of paper, to reveal the words “I’m sorry”. If he recalled correctly, carnations carry the meaning…

“I miss you,” Tsumugi wondered aloud and he could’ve swore someone said the same thing. He turned around, only to find Itaru standing right there, his shoulders slightly slumped and his bedhead all curly. The view was a blessing; Tsumugi’s eyes were blessed, even if Itaru seemed like he hadn't showered yet and that he stayed up all night gaming but he’s beautiful all the time, whatever he wears or however he looks. But the fact that he was _there_ , in front of him, with one of the most genuine apologetic expressions Tsumugi has ever seen Itaru make, almost made him break down, just like that night. A mixture of many, many emotions were brewing inside his stomach and he tried not to give in to those emotions.

“Tsumugi,” Itaru breathed out as his footsteps made his way to Tsumugi, each step echoing in both of their eardrums. Tsumugi inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly, both fearing and awaiting the next thing to happen. In a matter of seconds, Itaru’s face was a few inches away from him, just like a few nights ago. Tsumugi shut his eyes tight. He tried to find the right words to say; he didn’t want to mess up, as he did that night. But, in the end, the truth would be the best choice. And thankfully, the truth didn’t hurt.

“...Itaru. I miss you too.”


End file.
